What Is V/S What Could Be?

What do you think is more powerful; your life as it seems right now or the
life you desire to have? Tricky question, isn’t it? If someone had asked me
that question ten years ago, I would have answered, “My life as it seems now—Duh!”
But somewhere in between those ten years, I begin to understand life differently.

Thoughts Turn Into Things

Remembering the garbage dialogue that used to run on a loop in my brain showed me firsthand why my present was so fucked up. Yes, things are out of our control, but not as much as most think. No one in their right mind desire lackluster relationships, bank accounts with tumbleweeds blowing through, and bills stacked to the ceiling. You never see posts on Facebook announcing, “Happy to be a broke bitch today—blessed!” So, I wondered why my life was full of struggles, hurts, and disappointments I never consciously asked for. If the statement thoughts turn into things is true, then all I had to do is evaluate the garbage on loop in my head.

Yikes! Pretty harsh, ha? Unfortunately, the statements above weren’t the worse of my inner dialogue about myself, my circumstances, and the world. No wonder my life was so crappy; I spoke the shit into existence. It was disheartening when I realized how my words were sabotaging my life—and words are just thoughts out loud. How does one change this? How could I find joy when everything in my life was falling apart? It seemed impossible to change such stinkin’ thinkin’. I’d been doing it all my life, after all.

Upon first hearing the thoughts become things statement, I remembered the name it, claim it thing church people always spouted. I wasn’t so sure about that, but I did believe in Proverbs 18:21; Death and life are in the power of the tongue… The proverb resonated with me because many careless and cruel words were so freely dished upon me and my siblings growing up. But I never considered the ongoing negative thoughts and offhand banter I spewed about myself, my circumstances, and the world around me. I was not very kind, mostly to myself.

Shifting Gears

What you think you become. What you feel you attract. What you imagine, you create — Buddha.

How much is your “struggle” on your mind? I cringe when I think back on how
much I complained instead of being grateful for the good things that were
equally present in my life. And we’ve all dwelt on some asshole that
hurt, abandoned, and betrayed us, right? If concentrating on all that
painful stuff continues to bring us pain, what happens if we stop dwelling on
it?

Desperate for a better life and world to live in, I reasoned, “Well, I already know what a shit-show my life is now; no need to rehash it. Perhaps I should ponder more on what I would love my life to be like.” Of course, this is easier said than done, as I had years and years of auto-pilot thoughts, habits, behaviors, and patterns to unpack. But seriously, I had nothing to lose. The more I focused on what I wanted my future life to look like, the more compelled I felt to make better decisions in my present one. It was agonizing, but little by little, I started to see just how intuitive the Universe was as it began to cooperate with these new thought patterns and behaviors.

Patience-Discipline-Kindness-Understanding

Our subconscious loves and feels safe with thoughts and actions that are
familiar. That is why there is so much fear surrounding change.
Change is uncomfortable, even when we know it’s good for us, like quitting
smoking. Our subconscious will fight to the bitter end to keep us in our
comfort zones. Because these patterns are so ingrained, we must be
patient with our progress, disciplined in our effort, show kindness to
ourselves when we fail or feel unmotivated, and understand why we feel pessimistic
about the world, a situation, or ourselves. According to how stuck we are
in our old patterns and belief systems, the longer and more difficult it can be
to change. It was discouraging when I thought of how massive a
transformation my existence would have to undergo to obtain the life I wanted.
I didn’t know where to start. This “overwhelm” stops many people in their tracks as they resign themselves that a better life is out of reach. It’s just too fucking hard.

Baby Steps & Pivoting

I started by asking myself what I can change today to put me on the path to my beautiful, new life? Well, being winded and feeling shitty in my body all the time was high on my list, so I started there. I had two legs that worked, so I started walking again, putting away the thoughts on how in-shape, hot, and sexy I was when I used to teach Zumba and run 5ks just a few short years ago. I had to accept where I was currently and deal with the agony of training my body to be healthy and energetic again. Soon after that, I began to tweak my diet. But those things were physical. What about my mental and spiritual growth? I absorbed as many self-improvement books, articles, and YouTube videos about developing a healthy mindset in various areas of my life. Still, years away from my dream life, I began to incorporate more spiritual literature into my learning. That’s when I stumbled upon awareness and how I could observe my thoughts instead of being attached to them. I started learning how to get more control over them by Pivoting (Abraham Hicks). Peptalkmedia.com explains Pivoting as a handy way to use negative emotion as a guidance system for discovering what it is that you really do want. Our brains are conditioned to focus on what we DON’T want. Pivoting helps us concentrate on what we DO want. All in all, there were a million little steps that got me to where I am today. But the path is ongoing; I’m still stepping, and I’m always learning.

Small Changes & Beyond

As I continue on my journey, I stumble, get frustrated, and want to quit. Countless times I’ve broken down and swore to myself that I couldn’t go on as my life got a whole lot worse before getting better. It was downright scary! But one day, I noticed how much more at peace I was and how much less I cared what others thought of me. One day I glanced at my body in the mirror, and it looked great. Not only did it look great, it felt great! I noticed my inner dialogue was kind and compassionate. It felt good to let go of all the extra baggage that was once so important to me. Realizing that I had a lot more love and respect for myself helped me break down even more blocks. Finally, I couldn’t even remember day one or day 50. All I knew was that I was just so grateful for everything I had, and no longer complained and trash-talked myself, my circumstances, and the world. And when I did, I’d catch myself because it’s not my normal state anymore.

Everybody’s journey is different. There is no map with absolute paths to take. My teachers could only give me nuggets of wisdom, telling me what worked for them. You take some, and you leave some. But what they all have in common is a desire and drive to be a better and happier version of themselves; to live out a purposeful life full of love, joy, and happiness—and help others traverse the painful journey of waking the fuck up, along the way. I’m grateful for my teachers, and thankful for the journey, even the shitty parts because they taught me so much. Dare to dream and take action towards it. And always remember; We are all on The Path—and the road leads upward ever, with frequent resting places, The Kybalion.