Inner-Self Trust

The storms of life hit hard, stirring emotions and leaving us feeling out of control.  Since I posted Precarious, I scramble to find a job situation that doesn’t suck.  My daughter relocates in two weeks to start her new life, so with little time left to gain employment, the walls were closing in, and my old friends’ fear and doubt were knocking at the door. I realized that my uncertainties exacerbated Jessi’s uneasiness about her unknown adventures, causing her to feel guilty about leaving me behind to take care of the household.  Never would I squash this opportunity for my daughter. I knew I had to pull myself together.

One early morning last week, I vented my feelings to her as I cried helplessly. That’s when she explained that she’d felt bad for taking the job in Colorado and leaving me to fend for myself. That’s when I decided that I would have to find a way to get my shit together. We both have to be brave through this new transition in our lives. We knew it was coming, and we knew that one of us would get the opportunity first.

I had to get out of my head, but I was furious. The jobs I searched the day before were shitty, and I had no motivation to sit in front of that screen and apply for more soul-sucking positions.

“I’m going to work out.” I announced to her, “I have to clear my head.”

Afterward, I sat down on my meditation pillow, letting the remaining feelings of anger and helplessness tucker themselves out. Finally, I was able to clear my head and calm my spirit. Not only was I down about the job search, but I was also mad at myself for being in a foul mood. Pulling my awareness out of my body and mind is the only way to objectively look at the entire situation.  My fear of not knowing how things would work out was overshadowing the joy of Jessi’s opportunity. We only have weeks left, and we both want to enjoy our time together. How would you feel if you knew things would be fine; you’d find a great job, and rent will get paid on the first of February? Well, I’d be ecstatic, of course.

Following my breath, I reminded myself of how many other leaps of faith Jessi and I have braved and come out better because of it.  There is so much physical evidence of God’s protection and support around me. Why would I doubt once again? “… saying that you trust the Universe means trusting it to be itself, which includes chaos and randomness, forces which clearly operate on affairs down here on the home planet, and in your own individual life.” (Psychology Today, What “Trusting the Universe” Really Means, Gregg Levoy). It is human nature to want to control every aspect of our lives. Once again, I found myself faced with a decision, are you going to drown in this sea of change or stay focused on the goal? With that, the first thing I did was comfort and show myself much needed understanding. Of course, I get why you are angry and fearful—I hear you.

After meditation, I got to work.  You know the saying, God helps those who help themselves. Jessi (wanting to help) sent me some jobs to apply for, so I went through them and diligently tailored each resume to fit the job. Each title got 100% of my focus. By the end of the day, I felt better and was pleased that I’d given it my all. I watched videos about manifesting and letting go of remaining old thought patterns to keep this momentum going.  The next day, I awoke and did it again, but not before having quiet time with my journal. The Hero’s Journal, created by Nick Vitellaro, Kyle Cole, & Ryan McConnell, is what I’m using. It’s a beautiful day-to-day journal with images you can color.  And yes, I do color in it; you’d be amazed how well coloring lifts the mood and pulls you into the present (remember childhood).  I meditate, workout, then start looking for jobs and working on my own creative projects (also keeps me in the present).  At least when an opportunity does present itself, I’ll be ready on all fronts. When the currents rise, I breathe back to balance. When the process annoys me or I start to have technical difficulties, I take a damn break. This process has gotten me through the week. The goal is not to get pissed the fuck off.

The Hero’s Journal

An idle mind is a playground for all sorts of stinkin’ thinkin’.  If we humans desire to control so much, then perhaps we should practice controlling the amount of garbage our minds put out into the Universe. When I’m not working on finding a job or feeding myself wisdom, I make sure I’m engaging in happy activities. Anything positive to keep the mind from going crazy. At any rate, our inner-world is where our salvation lies. Nothing in the physical world can save us. I remind myself of this often. Trusting my inner-self will figure this out, with the guidance of my Spiritual Team is all I have. I can do all things, I can create the life I desire. Creation starts inside, with a thought, like the featured image of this blog. I had in mind what I wanted it to look like in my head, then I played around with it (cultivating the vision) until it is now in the physical world to be shared with you. I’m not out of my storm yet, but as of this moment, I’m happy, content, and excited for what’s going to turn up for me in the coming days. I’ve done hardship many times, so no need to concentrate on that. Whatever comes, I can handle it, so I choose to be optimistic about it all. And of course, I’ll keep you posted 😉

Has a storm brewed around you so early in 2021? Are you flailing about wondering where you will land, leaving it all up to chance? Or are you anchored in your spiritual connection to Source, navigating these choppy waters with guidance and support?

What “Trusting the Universe” Really Means, Psychology Today

The Hero’s Journal

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